through my viewfinder

My thoughts swirl back to when Eileen’s road started to run out of miles. She would have been 47 last week. I know where the July sun lays on me, the foggy mornings and the long evening shadows. I bathe in delicious, warm photons and know that she is falling on me and all around. Memories can at once be crystalline yet muted. A glowing filter over a beautiful life. I pore over my collection of imagery and repeat to myself the circumstance and thought and emotion of each moment. I do this to keep her in me. And then, there, another pin on this timeline. I’m swept into the folly of trying to understand how life is. What life is. How I am here. Rewind the tape...watch it all scroll back. Does it ever make sense. I hold a tether back to you. Fuck cancer.